Two-Weeks Rule
It’s a Saturday night, and yet here I am, getting my heart broken again.
I thought after so many times, I’d be used to it by now. I really did.
I thought that after my heart shattered into pieces, after I glued it back together, and then watched it fall again, I’d eventually go numb. Because, you know, it’s already broken.
But no. It still hurts.
Getting your heart broken is never easy.
Am I that stupid for falling over and over again?
Am I that naïve for putting my hopes in someone?
Do I never learn my lessons?
Oh no, I believe I have learned them.
Some of those lessons gave me more than just pain. They changed the way I see life, my dreams, and even my purpose. And yet, somehow, I remain the same naïve girl who keeps repeating her mistakes. Not because I don’t know better, but because I keep hoping. I keep dreaming that one day, I’ll finally find what I’ve been searching for all along.
Love.
The tragic part is, none of these heartbreaks even come from real relationships. They were never really my boyfriends. I can’t even properly call them relationships, and yet the heartache feels just as real every single time.
So maybe I’ll just call them my Limerent Objects (since I just knew this condition. Damn it Limerence!), and say I’m heartbroken over situationships instead. This might not be the correct term. But honestly, who cares?
Lately, I’ve been actively using dating apps. If I listed them one by one, it would probably take a whole paragraph on its own. I’ve installed so many apps, and yet I still haven’t found someone who truly connects with me the way I want. Maybe I’m picky. Or maybe I’m not.
But I know one thing for sure: I can fall in love easily. Once I feel a connection, it’s easy for me to start thinking about someone all the time. They don’t need to do anything extraordinary. They just need show up, be consistent, and actually connect with me.
And by “connection” I don’t mean grand gestures. I mean being able to talk about anything with me, like, our hobbies, our dreams, random thoughts, even topics that might sound boring to other people. I like throwing unexpected questions into conversations, just to see how they react, how they think, how they engage.
But more often than not, I end up matching with people who immediately ask for my photos, my number, or something else right after we match. Some of them are obvious scammers. Some even use fake profiles. That’s why I test people by taking things slowly. I don’t like being rushed. I’m a slow-burner kind of type.
Maybe my insecurities play a big part in this. I tend to hide myself at first. I used to think that if I talked to them slowly, if I let things build naturally, they would eventually fall in love with me. But apparently, that’s never enough.
In the past three months, I’ve matched with countless guys online. I’ve lost count. Maybe hundreds, maybe even thousands. But out of all of them, there are at least three (or maybe it's four now) who have given me major heartbreaks and painful lessons.
The funny part? Each of those situationships only lasted about two weeks.
Why? I don’t know. I even tried Googling it while writing this. Maybe that’s just how dating works now. I won’t quote it here, but apparently, there are unspoken rules about that.
Still, I only want one.
Just one.
But why does it feel so hard for me to find someone who can accept me and love me?
Despite everything I’ve been through, I believe I’ll be a great lover and partner someday. Because I’ve spent my whole life searching for love. And when I finally find it, I'm going to hold onto it like my most precious treasure. Something more valuable than my own life.