This time, I'll face the Truth
I’ll be turning 37 in the next few days.
Lately, I’ve been thinking that if I want to die peacefully,
then I’m supposed to understand everything that has been bothering my mind for these past 30 years..
Isn’t it the right time to ask, after she wishes me a happy birthday
and shares her hopes for my future?
I know I have to start somewhere to uncover all those mysteries,
so I can understand why my life turned out this way.
Even though I might already know some of the reasons,
Still, I want to hear it from her mouth.
I want to know why she has kept her lips sealed all this time.
Why did my biological parents give me away?
Why did she adopt me, yet won’t tell me anything about it until now?
Why won’t she introduce me to my real family, even though they all live not very far away?
Why did she and her husband not want to share me, yet still couldn’t fully give me their love?
Why does my adoptive father even had other wives and daughters, like I’m not enough?
Why have they all created distance from me, as if they don’t need me in their lives?
Why do I have to cry in silence and wipe my tears alone every time?
Imagine having a big family, yet no one close enough to you.
Instead of supporting your emotional well-being,
they’ve just contributed more to your loneliness.
They’re still within the radar of my life, yet their presence has never been significant.
I’m supposed to be blessed enough to have two families and maybe a dozen sisters,
yet none of them truly knows me. Definitely not my biological parents, not even my biological & half siblings, and also not my adoptive parents.
So now, I’m really going to brace myself to ask her on that day.
Even if I have to cry until my eyes bleed, I’m going to seek the truth.