The Limerence Effect
Let me start with the Limerence Effect.
I stumbled upon an Instagram reel about this last week, and realized that this condition is happening to me right now.
Oh wait, this is happening to me all the time.
When I thought I was falling in love, but then ended up heartbroken, and the cycle kept repeating, I thought I was just unlucky in the romantic aspect of my life. But now, I know the name of that condition. It turns out to be a psychological condition, that I don’t know whether I can ever be cured from.
What is the Limerence Effect exactly?
Apparently, this is a term that explains a psychological state of mind where someone experiences intrusive thoughts, emotional dependency, and fantasy attachment toward a 'limerent object'.
Who is this limerent object?
It is someone they like, or to put it simply, a crush. And in my case, my crush.
What kind of signs does it show?
Some signs are constantly thinking about that person, even without a clear reason.
Overanalyzing every small interaction.
Feeling extremely happy when they give attention, and feeling very low when they don’t.
Creating scenarios and emotional connections in your head that don’t really exist in reality (this one is my favorite hobby).
Well, when I read those informations, I admit that most of the signs apply to what I feel every time I fall in love.
Or what I thought was love.
Because they clearly say that limerence is different from love.
How love develops through reality, while limerence grows through fantasy.
Honestly, I couldn’t differentiate between those two. Because of course, I never had a taste of pure and sincere love my whole life, so I don’t really know what love is supposed to feel like.
But whatever it is, I know for sure that my feelings every time I fall in love are valid, even though they are not healthy.
Why does it happen though?
They say it might be due to emotional deprivation, loneliness, attachment wounds, or unmet needs for validation or safety.
Because of that, we, or I, tend to idealize someone as a rescuer or an emotional solution to our problems.
Well again, I realize, the series of unfortunate events in my life was based on my old wounds. Because of course, the root of all my problem is that damn family.
I know that knowing this doesn’t immediately change anything. I'm still the same person with a lot of insecurities. I dont know whether someday I could be free from this mental prison or not. Would I finally found someone who can accept all my flaws and make me feel the real love?