Living on the Borrowed Time
The other thoughts that crossed my mind after the funeral of my CEO’s sudden death were:
Do I really want to spend the rest of my life like this?
In hatred, in misery, with my unresolved problems?
Because we are so close to death. Anytime, anywhere.
People are dying all the time, whether they are young or old.
We can die in hundreds of ways through accidents that can happen,
even when we're just sitting still.
We are living on a borrowed time.
We don’t know when God will decide to stop ours.
I don’t know if God will allow me to live for another twenty years or just two more hours.
But no, I don’t want to die with regret. I don’t want to die unhappy.
If I am lying on my deathbed someday, I want to be surrounded by my loved ones.
But if fate decides otherwise, if I have to die alone, then at least I want to die peacefully.
But how do I achieve that peaceful life when I still can’t unravel everything that has happened in my life? When I have so many unanswered questions and they eat me alive?
Then I remembered something someone once said to me:
Sometimes we are never meant to get closure, and that itself is the lesson we need at that moment. And just because something affected us badly before doesn’t mean we should allow it to keep ruining our future. A good starting point is knowing our problems, acknowledging them, and consciously deciding to start addressing them. Because we aren’t responsible for what happened to us, but we are definitely responsible for how we choose to react to it.
For now, I’m still at the first step, knowing and acknowledging my problems.
And I know that if I want a different life, I can’t keep avoiding them.